Paris Hilton Arrested Again? Who Cares!

It is time. We must come together as a society and Just Say No To Celebrity Worship.

Headlines today reveal that Paris Hilton has been arrested for cocaine possession (apparently this is BREAKING NEWS! too). Earlier this week it was that Lindsay Lohan was released from rehab and oh, look what she was wearing. I’ve also learned (against my will, mind you, being unable to escape the headlines on the various news sites I visit, which invariably have an “Entertainment” category) that Wyclef Jean has been denied the ability to run for President of Haiti (much to Sean Penn’s relief, apparently), that Heidi Montag, she of multiple plastic surgeries (at once!) fame, now desperately wants to reduce the size of those breasts she loved so very much just a few months ago, Levi Johnston (Bristol Palin’s Baby Daddy) is going to be on the CBS Morning show yet again, Leo Di Caprio’s stalker was arrested, Snooki of  Jersey Shore fame sneezed, and the Kardashian sisters single-handedly propped up the economy of the U.S. by continued spending on clothes and shoes.

Okay, those last two items aren’t real (as far as I know), but you get the point. This. Must. STOP!

That I know who these people are and have had my brain invaded by this unimportant drivel saddens me. I didn’t even seek this stuff out; I simply couldn’t avoid it! Why do people care? And these are just the headlines from this week. Are our lives so boring and unimportant that we fantasize about the shallow lives these celebrities lead? Okay, that may be a bit unfair, I’m sure their lives aren’t completely shallow, but a good portion of their lives must be – as documented by the endless headlines and photos. By the by, remember when headlines were used for really important stories? Despite my advancing age, I think I remember a time like that…maybe back in 1972 or something…

The world is a particularly difficult place right now. Economic recessions (will we double-dip?), wars, politics (UGH!), people struggling to keep their homes, unable to find a job, I could go on ad nauseam. I’ll stop now lest people begin to feel the urge to jump. Entertainment and levity is particularly necessary right now. But does finding out that (insert celebrity name here) has (insert salacious action here) with (insert another celebrity name here) constitute entertainment? Apparently, but it shouldn’t.

Read a book. Exercise. Play with your kids and/or pets (when is the last time you took your pooch to a dog park?). Call a friend you haven’t spoken with in awhile. Take up a hobby you’ve long thought you’d enjoy.

Start a blog about everything or nothing in particular. 🙂

Perhaps we need a pledge:

I do solemnly swear that I will not watch celebrity gossip shows, go to celebrity gossip websites, and I will keep my eyes focused forward in the grocery line and not succumb to the temptation of the screaming headlines and photos of scantily-clad celebrities on the magazine racks invading my personal space. I will devote my entertainment dollars and time to things that enhance my life, not fill it with mindless drivel.

Okay, perhaps that’s a bit much. But you get my point. Caring about celebrities (particularly celebrities whose claim to fame is simply that they are celebrities) is only one stop above getting a secret thrill out of watching Jerry Springer because it gives you reason to be thankful that your life isn’t as bad as those of the poor souls you see on his stage. We seem to want to find our life hierarchy through this sort of thing. You don’t have the (choose one or more: looks/money/clothes/love life) of a Kardashian, but at least you’re not wondering which guy (of 5) is your baby’s father or getting ready to reveal to your lover that you’re really not a woman (I still can’t figure out how people can’t tell, but…).

Stop the madness. Someone will always be in a better place than you, and someone will always be in a worse place than you. So?

As much as I enjoy seeing a not-so-flattering photo of a star who failed to cover her cellulite (I am not alone!), I am stopping the madness. Will you join me?